Remember, “Friday’s Finding Your Funny” is dedicated to good, clean fun! Know someone whom you would like to nominate? Submit the nomination in the “Contact Me” section of my blog including a link to the material.
Today, we are featuring Stewart Little Stella as our guest blogger again. If you don’t like dogs, you’re really going to be annoyed that my little pooch is writing two Friday’s in a row. At least I told Stewie he’s not allowed to have you listen to “The Dog Days Are Over” song again. If you missed it, you can check it out from last week.
Mom and I love going for walks in forest preserves. There are so many sites to take in. For a dog like me who has a hankering for trees, this is pretty close to heaven. Big trees. Little trees. Places to pee wherever I please.
Mom thinks I don’t know what she’s doing, but I wasn’t born yesterday. Neither was she for that matter. She’s trying to tire me out giving me these hill work outs. Jeepers, how much does she think my little legs can take?
At least she lets me stop for a snack to keep my energy level high. Maintaining nutrition on these endurance excursions is critical. These raspberries give me lots of fiber to keep me full and they even help me look younger. One more reason I don’t have all those wrinkles like ole Wrinkle Mutt I introduced you to last week. Mom said I just have to be careful not to eat too many at once. She said something about IBS. I think it might mean, I Be Sorry?
These berries do look mighty tasty, don’t they? Now if only I can figure out a way to get them off the branches without snarling myself up in their thorns. My flowing locks look lovely, but they make retrieving an afternoon snack a challenge. Careful. Careful.
You humans might have something a little bit extra to be careful of. It’s not just stickers you have to watch out for. Mom used to pick wild berries along the trail and pop them in her mouth, but she decided to skip it the rest of this trip after she saw me lift my leg. Mom got so mad at me for ruining her berry picking. I told her I was just stretching my legs after that hard hill work out. I don’t think she believed me though.
Besides, the berries have to get fertilized somehow. How do you think they grew so well? Not only that, I’m helping to ensure there will be plenty of fresh berries the next time I visit the trail. Oh well, if she doesn’t want to eat them, that’s all the more for me. I never was taught to share, being an only pup and all anyhow.
Not all is lost. The berry seeds will get transplanted somewhere else along the trail. Consider me like a bee, cross pollinating the forest preserve. More berries for all of us. You’re welcome. You might want to take your berries home and rinse them first, just to be on the safe side.
After satiating my salivary glands, all I really wanted to do was lie down and take a nap. Nothing doing with mom around. Sometimes, she’s like the Energizer Bunny and she just keeps going, and going, and going. You’ve heard of “This is the song that never ends”? ANNOYING! Sometimes, that’s how mom’s little excursions are too. How do I get a gig like Lambchop? Maybe I should get an agent. I could try to be annoying. Sometimes, when things are really annoying, they actually are pretty funny. I’m pretty talented. “This is the song that never ends.” Not to mention, I’m so much more handsome than that little Lambchop. He ain’t got mutton on me. (This is bad, even by my standards! Welcome to 3rd grade.)
While we were out on the trail, I made a new friend. His ears perked up when he heard me singing. “This is the song that never ends. And it goes on and on my friend.” We played a little hide-n-seek. At first I thought he was a little stand-offish, but I think he was just shy. I used to be like that. Yeah, right!
The heat was kind of getting to me and I was ready to head for the hills. The hills were, after all, the only way back to the dag blasted car. We came upon this bench, and I found some shade. I thought mom might take the hint and pop a squat, but no such luck. Ever heard the saying, “No rest for the wicked”? Mom’s retribution for the berries, I guess.
Lest anyone get overly concerned and contact PETA, my mom is a good mom so don’t even THINK about reporting her. See? Lots of water. “Water does a body wonders.” Personally, I think that’s much better that that cruddy milk slogan. That thing udderly sucks.
Wow! That water really perked me up. Second wind, not to be confused with breaking wind, here I come! I’m so happy I could sing. Hang on a minute. Maybe that song is not so annoying. I think I can huff it home to these high jinks.
“This is the song that doesn’t end. It goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they’ll continue singing it forever just because. This is the song that doesn’t end. It goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was. But they’ll continue singing it forever just because.”
Maybe we should have a contest to see who can sing the song best. You could post the video on mom’s Facebook page. Come on! You know you want to play along with Lambchop. You could even make your own sock puppet so you wouldn’t have to actually humiliate yourself. I double dog dare ya.
Did I mention my mom really likes musicals? This could be a great gift for her. I’d love to surprise mom because I love her and she does really nice things for me. Oh, won’t you help a cute puppy out? She’s the bestest mommy in the whole wide world. Dad is questionable.
When we finally made it back to the car, mom could tell I was spent. I was warmer than a cat on a hot tin roof. (Hate those things.) Mom blasted the air conditioning. It’s times like these that I don’t care what the breeze does to my lovely locks. Re-fresh-ing!
Mom said I was such a good boy that I deserved a special treat. If I had enough energy to chase my tail right now, I’d do it. I love those yellow arches. Grandpa Stella taught me all about them. We pulled up to the drive through window and the lady handed my mom a cone. Mom said that dark stuff on the outside isn’t good for me. I’m wondering if she’s telling the truth or if she’s just being selfish. Now I see where I get it from. Maybe she’s not the bestest mom in the whole wide world after all. She reassured me she would share when all the dark stuff was gone. See, it’s almost my turn.
Your assignment for today?
Go for a walk.
Get some ice cream.
Eat some well-rinsed berries.
And don’t forget to submit a video of yourself singing Lambchop’s catchy little tune on mom’s Facebook.