Of course I have to acknowledge Halloween for “Friday’s Finding Your Funny”. Fortunately for family and friends, my tech support—err, uhh husband—is out of town. They are saved from my sharing with the world their embarrassing costume moments. Darn scanner technical difficulties. We have something to look forward to next Halloween, my pretties. Ahhhhhhh, Haaaaaaaa, Haaaaaaaa, Haaaaaaaa
Can you see me rubbing my hands together plotting already? If my hands were rubbing any more quickly, you’d see smoke signals from where you’re sitting. Ahhhhhhh, Haaaaaaaa, Haaaaaaaa, Haaaaaaaa
(I envision each of you making the Ahhhhhhh, Haaaaaaaa, Haaaaaaaa, Haaaaaaaa sound and rubbing your hands together. Oh please do. It amuses me so to think you might.)
For now, we’ll call on a little help from Back To The Future for a nostalgic look at costumes. The power of the flux capacitor will take us back to the year …
1985 – 1988
Let’s start with this precious gem of a costume. Do you even know who Jem is? I never heard of her. Jem. You don’t even how to spell, Gem! How do I NOT know who Jem is? Was I that uncool? No, I was cool. I was too. Did I not keep up with the latest trends? Let’s look to Wikipedia to find out. Thank you, Wiki. Jem was a cartoon. I was waaaay too cool for Jem my junior year of high school. See? I told you I was cool. If you went to high school with me, zip it! Right now.
Jem or no Jem, do you remember those pitiful plastic masks? See how small that hole is to breathe through? Who designed these things? Why wasn’t there a product recall? This is beyond a choking hazard.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Suffocate yourself with your own breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Accumulate all sorts of wet bluckyness (yes, that’s a word) under your mask. Your breath created a moist, warm environment— for just a moment. If you were from a cold region of the country, the chilled air would practically make ice cycles underneath your mask as the moisture froze your face.
Moving on from mask trauma flux capacitor take us to the year …
1990 – 1996
Fresh Prince & Carlton
“Now this here’s a story all about how my life got flipped upside down.” If you were around in the 1990’s, I bet you know all the words to that song. Don’t worry. Your guilty pleasure is safe with me.
Maybe we can karaoke this Halloween dressed in our Fresh Prince & Carlton costumes. Let’s bust out our 90’s dance moves. If our singing doesn’t kill them, our dancing just might. I better be careful. I’m getting to the age I might throw my back out or pop my hip out of socket with those Carlton moves.
I’m so glad the Fresh Prince donated his bad 90’s attire to Good Will.
Only a true Fresh Prince fan gets fashion jokes. (If you’re clueless, you can private message me.)
Moving on from bad fashion jokes, flux capacitor take us to the year …
1995 – 2004
Drew Carey & Mimi
Wait? I thought we were moving on from bad fashion jokes. This couple does a mean Mimi & Drew Carey impersonation. Check out that shocking shadow. It brings out the blue in her eyes. If only they weren’t brown.
Now moving on from bad fashion (some might disagree), flux capacitor take us to the year …
Sam is one lucky man. Had I seen this before we selected our Trunk or Treat theme, he’d be wearing a satin shirt and those white platform shoes. He could rock those bell bottoms. Sam actually does that finger pointing thing all the time. Whenever I take his picture, he points. I don’t know at what or why, but he points. I have to tell him, “Stop pointing!” If I didn’t, every picture I have of Sam would be one of him pointing into the distance.
Look at Sam’s similar stance. It’s as if he was striking the pointing pose upon a platform of a different sort. Sam would have plenty of time to grow his hair out for next year’s Halloween costume. We could have a disco ball and break out the Bee Gees. I would love to have some crazy big hair like Donna Summer.
We could play the song “Car Wash” and have the kids all pick up a sudsy sponge and scrub our car. THAT is a brilliant idea! What? There’s nothing wrong with child labor in a church parking lot. Right?
My aunt taught me how to do The Hustle when I was a kid. Maybe it would come back to me. Everything is pointing to a retro costume next year. Items needed in order of priority: bucket, sponge, water, suds (the rest really isn’t all that important).
Now moving on before I break child labor laws, flux capacitor take us to the year …
1986 – 1990
Who wouldn’t love a costume that allows for full-on sarcasm all evening long? (Nice people, that’s who.) Alf should have had his mouth washed out with soap many a time. Maybe I should invite him to our Trunk or Treat next year and the kids can soap him down while they’re at it.
Looking back through the lens of an older, wiser woman, maybe letting my son watch Alf wasn’t the best idea.
He loved Alf, though. We even had the cutest little Alf puppet. Why did I not keep that thing? That’s some good mom memories gone—probably in a yard sale for a quarter.
I could have used that puppet at Josh’s graduation and I’m sure it would have been a welcome addition in his future wedding. Josh’s bride wouldn’t mind a puppet show. I’d wait until the reception before I pulled the frumpy crumpled Alf puppet out of my purse. I could duck under the head table, pushing the Bride’s frilly dress ruffles out of my way, and let the show begin.
Puppet stand-up comedy is completely acceptable for receptions. I don’t care what you say. And if you don’t like it, you can talk to my smart aleck friend, Alf. He’ll put you in your place. It will be at the table we’ve reserved for you, sitting in the hallway near the bathrooms.
Flux capacitor get us out of here before Alf’s influence gets us into any more trouble with our guests. Take us to the year …
1991 – 1999
Wilson from Home Improvement
I love this costume for its simplicity. If you’re feeling lazy this year, go as Wilson from Home Improvement. (Sorry, the word lazy crept in here. Alf’s influence still hasn’t worn off. Rudeness: it’s all Alf’s fault.)
I see a few drawbacks to this costume.
How long can you hold the little hand-held fence before all the blood drains from your fingertips? Seems to me this costume invites those pesky little tingles in your extremities. You know the ones. Your hand goes numb. As you try to bring it back to life by squeezing or smacking it against something, stabbing pains shoot through your fingers. It feels like the agonizing pain will never go away. Minutes feel like a marathon—long and painful.
Speaking of painful, this costume doesn’t easily allow for the consumption of food. That’s pretty painful in my world. Isn’t attending a party or plain old trick or treating all about the food? Hello? Pillowcase full of candy I would love to eat you, but this fence is keeping me out. Forget this fence! Go as a fisherman in this garb. Just grab a pole and eat whatever you want.
Every kid likes to play Go Fish. Flux capacitor take us to the year …
While I may have been too cool for Jem, I was not too cool for Punky Brewster. I loved Punky Brewster. This would be a relatively simple costume to pull together.
Punky might be a little obscure (But way less obscure than Jem – way less. I’m sure of it.). She was a little vagabond. A grumpy old man ended up taking her in and Punky’s irresistible charm ultimately wins the old guy over.
The only thing I can’t agree with Punky about: she never matched. Even when you play Go Fish, you need matches. Maybe she never matched because no one ever taught her how to play. 7’s go with 7’s. 2’s go with 2’s. Red, Blue, Yellow, Grey, Black, & White do not match. Go Fish, Punky.
Actually, Punky Brewster turned out to be quite a catch. Punky’s real name is Soleil Moon Frye. (With a name like that, you better be a looker.) Here’s a relatively recent picture of Punky all grown up.
Notice she’s went with a more uniform color pallet. Someone must have taught her along the way how to Go Fish.
Flux capacitor take us way back to the year …
1966 – Present
Twisted Sister (of a different sort)
I love this costume. It just might be my favorite. The fact that red boots are involved has absolutely EVERYTHING to do with it. I’ll even wear the silly looking Twister beret—all so I can wear those boots!
You realize what torture I am willing to go through in order to rock those boots, don’t you?
Yes, I will risk life and limb traipsing about in those boots. I will hope upon hope that my affinity toward accident prone behavior such as tripping and falling doesn’t kick in. I’ve been known to fall down stairs at work in heels and skirt, realize there are cameras in the stairwell, blush goes Tracy’s cheeks as she wonders if her boss will mind if she calls in sick for several weeks.
Oh, but tripping and falling is not the only torture risk. There’s a more tempting torture I’m almost certain I would have to endure in order to rock those boots.
Bing. Bing. Bing. What’s that sound? Bing. Bing. Bing. That’s the sound of fingers flicking the pointer on my head. Bing. Bing. Bing. You know. Make the okay sign with your hands. Do it. Do it! Now flick your pointer finger. Yeah. Exactly. Everyone will come up to my head and flick it.
Do I have the willpower to abstain from flicking them back? I’m not sure this is a safe costume after all. Remember those choking hazards we were talking about with Jem? I’m thinking this costume might need to come with a choking hazard of a different sort.
“You flick that thing one more time, I’m gonna choke you!” Moving on.
Flux capacitor take us back to the year …
Candy Corn Romper
Right about now all I have to say is, “Thank you, Jesus, that my mom didn’t know how to sew!” THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! With a spin and a flourish, THANK YOU!
Can you imagine?
I think of a friend I have who was severely tortured by her mother’s sewing skills. Her stories slay me as she talks about all the attire her mother sewed for her. I literally can cry from laughing so hard as she shares those stories. She hated every item. Poor thing, oh poor thing! I think I’m going to have to send her this post just so she can see it could have been far worse.
Maybe my friend will do a spin and a flourish in her grown up, store-bought dress from the mall. She too can say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU JESUS that her mother never saw this pattern.
Flux capacitor take us the colorful time of …
There were many things colorful about the 80’s, one of which was Rubik’s Cubes.
Again with the goofy hat. You know people won’t be able to keep their hands off. Twist, twist, twist goes the Rubik’s Cube as my hair gets snarled into the twisting mechanism. Ouch! Keep your stinkin’ hands off my hat!
At least this time, I’m armed with a purse. Whack! Touch my hat again why don’t you?
Maybe my reaction has to do with one that lay dormant for decades. Rubik’s Cubes frustrate the booger out of me. I would watch my dad: twist, twist, twist – color puzzle solved simply.
Me. Twist, twist, twist. Huhhhhf! No, that’s not quite right. Twist, twist, twist. Ugghh No, that’s not it either. I might have said a few colorful words as a kid before I flung the thing away, acting like I didn’t care I couldn’t solve the stupid thing. Even now – it’s stupid. Because I can’t solve it.
I did solve it once. I took the sucker apart and put it back together. That’s not cheating. That’s creative problem solving at its finest.
Flux capacitor take us one last time to 1982 when we were thrilled out of our mind …
What would Halloween be without a Michael Jackson costume? You could invite the neighborhood to participate in your theme. All the neighbors dancing Thriller style in the driveway, getting their moon walk on. Maybe the Thriller dance scene is the original inspiration behind flash mobs.
You could even have Thriller playing in the background (because that wouldn’t freak the kids out or anything) as you passed out candy. Can you say nightmares for little nine year olds? Forget the nine year olds. That video still creeps me out.
A completely random interjection: I wonder if Michael’s glove would have fit O.J.?
If you’re not thrilled about Thriller Michael, maybe you could go as Pepsi hair-on-fire Michael. That would keep things interesting.
There are many Michael moments to choose from. Let your creative juices flow faster than Pepsi poured over Michael’s head to extinguish the fire. Okay, so that really didn’t happen, but would have been a great marketing campaign. Which slogan would you choose? Or create your own and share it with us.
Pepsi , Quenches Thirst & Fire
Pepsi, The Power To Extinguish
Pepsi, Drink It Or Douse It. Pepsi Puts Out The Fire After It’s Lit.
Hope these costume ideas wet your appetite for Halloween fun. Happy Halloween, everyone!
Which nostalgic costume would you wear?
What trend from today do you think 20 years from now will show up as a nostalgic costume?
Because there are a lot of funny people out there …
Remember, “Friday’s Finding Your Funny” is dedicated to good, clean fun! Know someone whom you would like to nominate? Submit the nomination in the “Contact Me” section of my blog including a link to the material.
That’s all folks. Go get your giggle on this weekend!